Around 5 or so months ago, I was primarily contributing to Smash and had done so since roughly late-Smash 4. My contributions were exceptionally large, and you can see them
here. I ended up producing around 130 spreadsheets across multiple hub documents, along with extremely long guides (often exceeding 100 pages) that helped many people. I also ended up moderating multiple SmashCords and contributing help to multiple other websites. I even ran the high-level King K. Rool Discord where players like Ben Gold and KirbyKid often hang out.
However, I ended up not actually feeling...fulfilled, or even satisfied for that matter. I rarely got recognition for my work and was even plagiarised multiple times with no recompense. Some people even reviled my presence on the basis of my identity...let's say it leaves me with a lot of targets on my back. The only people who would recognize my work were the top King K. Rool players and a few friends. I ended up getting really depressed, and I see the list of Smash resources on that spreadsheet as a symbol of a very dark time in my life.
No matter how much I did, I rarely felt like I was actually getting anywhere. Once a new spreadsheet was done, I'd post it in the relevant places, and that was that. Nothing. When I was moderating the Terry SmashCord, pouring my fucking heart into it and making it the best thing it could be, I just got...nothing. I was just dead, trundling along doing labwork. I increased accessibility through a meta updates channel, which actually got resounding success, and despite that, not many places have adopted it since. My work was finally increasing user engagement thanks to that thing. But...there was stuff missing, and that was, well...I think I was just burned out. I think it was just too late. During that period, I got caught up in multiple bouts of drama. One time, the SmashCords Owner at the time really had it in for me, and it reached boiling point due to dating a friend of his (we still are, and it's great!). The owner was eventually axed after I left, not sure if it was due to me or not. It's kind of some personal stuff but mixed with being gaslit by a few people and the like. Not to mention being sexually harassed on three separate occasions, not getting help for a single fucking one. I just couldn't take it anymore. I genuinely did not feel any attachment to my work anymore, let alone the community. I never felt so dead in my life. I felt like I was in a fucking asylum.
In the end, after one confrontation with someone, I deleted the app and chucked away my password, before leaving every Smash Discord and selling the game. I bawled my eyes out that day, but not from sadness, but from...release, I guess? The resources just stay on that document as some kind of resume. I don't think I'll ever touch Smash Ultimate again.
And, well, I ended up returning to where I came, and that's Smogon. I wasn't very active back in 2014, though I lurked a lot. If you look through my old posts you'll see the old "loud and dumb" personality that came with me being a teenager. I wisened up a lot over time though, and when I finally decided to become active, well, I had a lot of fun. My experience I picked up from being a "resource factory" in Smash ended up helping me a lot. Never had I been so easily accepted somewhere in my life...I just kind of went into the fold and ended up becoming super active here. I think Smogon fits what I've become really well, and I appreciate this place for that. Best of all, I actually feel fulfilment here. I feel happier than ever.
I guess I owe a lot to this place, more than I thought.