I was a bouncer at a bar

[phoopes]

Hello everyone, about two weeks ago I got a new job. I now work at a local Irish bar and am having a pretty good time doing it. Here are some fun things that have happened so far:

-All my friends think they can get in for free now (they cannot)
-$0 tip on a $141 bill
-Second person I ever ID'd I had to say no to entering because they were previously banned for "making terroristic threats against the staff"
-On karaoke night no one was doing karaoke so my manager told me to go on stage and rap "Lose Yourself" since he knows I know the whole thing
-Worked 16 hours on St. Patrick's Day since we opened at 7AM
-Had a keg of green beer explode on me so I currently look like I have a crazy skin disease since that shit STAINS your skin green pretty well
-Kicked out an average of about one person a night for being too drunk

This is going to be a thread where I document humorous things that happen/answer questions from people about what it's like. I figure since a lot of our Smogoff users are younger and can't drink yet I can use this as an opportunity to give y'all some insight on what it'll be like when you make it into a dive bar in a few years. That or non-American users can laugh at what we passes for an Irish bar here in the States.

 

[Mace]

a blind rabbi walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. the man picks up his dog and spins it 360. bartender says, man what are you doing? the blind rabbi replies, oh im just having a look around.

 

[az]

insane that you charge to enter a bar, much less an """irish""" bar

 

[LordThemberchaud]

A goblin walked into a club. He took 1d4 damage.

 

[Adeleine]

16 hours on saint paddy's. may god have mercy on your soul, i'm not sure that man did.

 

[Martin]

How many pints of Guinness do you see being drunk on a typical shift?

 

[Martin]

Also is this green beer actually green or is it just normal beer that's been dyed green with food colouring?

 

[BP]

Why are you charging people to enter the bar? Do you double as a bartender as well? That would make sense based on the tip comment.

Also is this green beer actually green or is it just normal beer that's been dyed green with food colouring?

Its dyed green

 

[earl]

I'm not 21 but I've been in and had a few drinks at my fair share of bars thanks to Wisconsin's epic drinking laws

 

[Ununhexium]

as a bouncer exactly how bouncy are you

 

[DTC]

How big are you?

 

[Astra]

how do you like your steak

 

[phoopes]

insane that you charge to enter a bar, much less an """irish""" bar

It’s normally $3 cover but we made St. Patrick’s Day a ticket-only event and charged $8 per ticket. We were full all day, 7AM-midnight so people were clearly willing to pay

16 hours on saint paddy's. may god have mercy on your soul, i'm not sure that man did.

It honestly wasn’t toooooo bad, I worked an 8 hour shift, had a few hours off in the middle of the day, and then worked another 8 hours. Still a lot but more manageable than 16 hours straight

How many pints of Guinness do you see being drunk on a typical shift?

I actually have no clue, I mostly bus tables and stand at the door checking IDs so my only frame of reference is “how often do we change the keg of Guinness” (another of my responsibilities)

Also is this green beer actually green or is it just normal beer that's been dyed green with food colouring?

just green food coloring. One of the leftover kegs kind of sprayed all over me last night actually and I had a hell of a time washing it off

Why are you charging people to enter the bar? Do you double as a bartender as well? That would make sense based on the tip comment.

We charge people to enter partly because they’ll pay lol, like we’re pretty good most nights with $3 cover. Other bars in the area charge $5 or more to enter sometimes so

I am not a bartender, I just get tipped out from whatever the waitresses make in addition to my $x per hour that I make

as a bouncer exactly how bouncy are you

I tried to flop on the floor to see how high I would bounce but now I broke my tailbone

How big are you?

6’3” and about 250 pounds (on a good day)

how do you like your steak

medium rare

 

[Snessy!]

is this is the new well for sharing job experiences

 

[Bog Monster]

are you gonna post ur green skin or not

 

[Mace]

would you fuck a ghost?

 

[Oglemi]

Do you have a catchphrase for after you bounce them, csi Miami style?

I would keep a bouncy ball on me and say snidely, "Get bounced" while bouncing the bouncy ball before turning heel and walking back into the bar

Food for thought

 

[Bughouse]

This thread has the same energy as LN's jail AMA and I am here for it

Do you have COVID-19 yet?

 

[Plague von Karma]

What's the funniest drunk moment you've seen so far?
What's the weirdest bloke you've met so far?

 

[CanineIllusionist]

what does green beer smell like?

 

[LordThemberchaud]

So, is an Irish bar a bar in Ireland or is it a bar that sells Irish beer?

 

[かたわれ時]

Or is it just a bar that originated in Ireland

 

[phoopes]

are you gonna post ur green skin or not

no <3

Do you have a catchphrase for after you bounce them, csi Miami style?

I would keep a bouncy ball on me and say snidely, "Get bounced" while bouncing the bouncy ball before turning heel and walking back into the bar

Food for thought

here’s my strategy:

1. Ask them politely to leave (“hey buddy it’s time to go”)
2. Either they agree with me and leave (happens often, we mutually part ways with a lot of people rather than forcing them to leave) or they refuse and I say it a little less nicely like “yo, I’m telling you to leave right now”
3. They leave and I say “have a good night”

I haven’t had to do anything other than this besides help some people walk out. I’ll keep you updated on whether anyone puts up

This thread has the same energy as LN's jail AMA and I am here for it

Do you have COVID-19 yet?

Not that I know of!

What's the funniest drunk moment you've seen so far?
What's the weirdest bloke you've met so far?

These questions have the same answer

I had to kick someone out for being too drunk last night. The guy took off his shoe and literally put his foot in his mouth. I have no idea why. It was just time for him to go after that lol

what does green beer smell like?

like beer

So, is an Irish bar a bar in Ireland or is it a bar that sells Irish beer?

Or is it just a bar that originated in Ireland

It’s a bar that was founded 50+ years ago by an Irish guy and is themed with having green shit everywhere and drinks that are names “Irish _____”

 

[phoopes]

In addition to foot in mouth guy from last night here’s another good story from last night

We had a waitlist to get in last night so I was taking names and group sizes. This girl comes up to me and was like “hey I’ll give you my phone number if you let us skip the line” and I was like no, sorry, can’t let you do that. So then she said “what if I give you my phone number AND $50.”

...moral of the story is everyone has a price, and mine is apparently $50 because I let them in next lol

 

[Ununhexium]

Did you call her?