Serious Moving out

Cynara

Banned deucer.
Probably one of the most frightening things to ever cross my mind, my Mother has no issues with me still living at home at all, I have no domestic issues with family and I am comfortably contributing to household expenditure.

I'm coming up 22 in August and this is something I'm gonna eventually have to do in my life, everyone does, but I just don't feel im comfortable with doing so and I can't live at home forever; maybe I'm worrying about the future too much and im considering it too early in my life, but I honestly don't feel ready to consider it within the next 3 years or so, but then I'd be 25 and that would make me a loser to other people I guess. Maybe its just a confidence block I just need to get over.

Im completely indenpendent enough to look after myself, so that isn't my issue either, it's more the fear of being alone and isolation because I'm single along with not having many friends irl.

I'm interested in hearing views from people who have moved out from living with their parents or those in a similar situation to me, if you're too young to consider this situation, dont worry, feel free to post your views on the subject too.
 
Personally I'd leech off your parent's generosity as long as you can, you're never going to get a better time to save up money assuming you're not having to pay rent and only help out in bits with like food and such. Once that's gone, you're never going to have excess cash again until you hit the lottery or something.

But anyways, I bought my first house here a few years ago when I was 25 or so, I'm also single and without friends nearby, but live alone and I generally enjoy it. Yeah it can be a bit quiet at times, but there's always that nice feeling of "I can do whatever I want in the privacy of my own home" sorta thing. Feel like walking around naked? You're at perfect liberty to do so, though I'd recommend having the shades drawn unless you like exhibiting. Don't feel like cleaning up right away? Who's going to make you? As far as being alone, again I'm guessing you're probably more of an introvert like me it sounds like, so odds are you like being alone anyways right? Free time to do whatever you want. If you mean more in terms of security, well you can always invest in protection however you want, from security systems to just a simple hand gun. Yeah it can be a bit spooky at times, I make it a note to have some sort of background noise going on whether it be the TV or music just to keep things normal I guess. Guess it helps if you scout out a nice place to live, obviously living in the slums of a city will be a lot different than a house out in the suburbs. Later on when it comes to dating I'd imagine most chicks would prefer a guy who's financially independent with their own place as opposed to a basement dweller whenever you get into that, so there's pluses to that too. If anything I find it a bit boring, though I blame myself as without any other stimuli, I'm just lazy and will slack around doing nothing if no one else if making me go out.
 
The best advise I've ever heard about moving out was: 'Sure, moving out makes you feel cool and independent, but in the long run staying at home saves you a shit load of money.' Basically, my view on this is as long as you don't have any issues with your home environment, just stay at home as long as possible and save up, so that you're as financially secure as possible when you do leave.

Personally, I'm not going to follow my own advise. I'm 17, and saving the money would be great (especially since I don't have a job yet), but even now living at home feels like a cage. My parents are good people and they do pretty much everything they can to help me out, but we disagree on a lot of things, and it's really noticeable sometimes. Part of the reason I'm really looking forward to university next year is the freedom, the ability to show up for lectures or tutorials and then do the work whenever I'm able rather than the 9-4 everyday for school, but I'm never really going to feel like I don't have someone looking over my shoulder until I'm out of the house. The university I'm looking at has somewhat affordable accommodation available I believe, so I'll probably try to live there next year.
 
Do you feel some sort of social pressure to move out? Just don't think about that, and do whatever you feel comfortable with. Feel like living at your parents house until you're 30? Are your parents okay with that? Then just do it. I've been living on my own for about 2 years now, and that's only because my girlfriend proposed to live together. If that never happened, I would've probably still lived with my parents. And I wouldn't have any problems with that. In fact, maybe I started living on my own a bit too early for my preference. But you know, love makes blind, blah blah blah. But it's true, I was kind of blind for the reality because I was in love. Now I realise that I have huge responsibilities to go after. Literally doing everything yourself is a pain in the ass, especially when you have a busy life next to that. Once I get some extra money I'm definitely spending it on someone who cleans for me, because such tasks aren't suited for me next to my own hectic life. As Shinryu already said, once you start living on your own you'll barely have any excess cash again. Bills, dishes, and household aren't things you really want to do, but it becomes a must.
 

ant

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i'm 20yo and my brothers are 30yo and 29yo. we all live together with our mom. i agree with GotR. being independent is cool, you have your own space, blahhh. but this idea of living with your parents at certain age making you a failure is, at least to me, absolutely dumb. both my brothers and i, work and study. just because we find ourselves more comfortable at home doesn't make us "failures". and mom is completely okay with it. the problem begins when you don't feel comfortable at home, but if you do, what's wrong about it? no one is pressuring you to leave. your life is what you make of it, and none of these things should let you think otherwise
 
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Im a student that lives by him self since last year, just turned 19, im gon be studying and getting as many degrees as possible till i turn 25.
I work part time on a bookstore and as an assistant on a website designing company but i work full time each summer on the accommodation industry, i live alone but i'd wish i could still be on moms home, it would save me time from cooking, cleaning and staff that i simply don't have much time for.

This summer i plan to just chill, my mom will cook, take care of my laundry and take care of my room, imma just spend 4 hours a day on a beach, return home play PS and league(if the ping is right) then i will hang out with friends (if i find any of my old buds)

i just want to live again those times before all this shit started, feel how it was like when i was spending 6 hours a day on smogon and ps, playing a fuktone and perfecting my game , peaking the ladders and even getting semi-successful as a smogon tournament player.

moms house, here i come.
 

Aldaron

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I lived with my parents for two years out of college. "Being independent" straight out of college and the strain of thought that you're a failure if you're not are so god damned silly I don't even know where to start (particularly in the USA).

First of all, rent is a fucking dumb thing to do. Do I do it? Yes. But it's still super dumb. It's a completely in the red investment...actually investment is the wrong word. It's just giving away money. You should only rent if you have disposable income OR if you have no other bearable alternative.

Second, if you're graduating in the USA...you probably have a lot of debt. The reason I stayed with my parents for 2 whole years isn't because I couldn't afford my own place (I could, easily), but because all the money I saved on rent, food, gas, etc. I poured into my loans. In 2 years, I payed off my 80k in loans and was debt free.

How's that for being independent?

Now I'm fortunate enough to have enough disposable income to justify rent in NYC, but don't let silly societal concepts of independence prevent you from doing what is smart. Save money after college and pay off your loans, gain work experience, get a few raises, get a better job, and then be independent when you can actually reasonably handle it.

Now the OP mentioned some social concerns, and I agree with the poster previous to me. Meeting up with people is a lot easier than it ever used to be; dating apps like Tinder / Bumble / Hinge / OKCupid / Happn / Coffee Meets Bagel to meet potential romances...things like MeetUp to make new social groups...LinkedIn / Yelp events for networking / food socializing. Just take advantage of the world around you, get out there, meet new people, expand your circle and gain the confidence socially...you'll probably be fine.

If you suffer from some social anxiety or something, you'll probably have to seek professional help for that though :X
 

Cresselia~~

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I've been living alone for more than 5 years by now. I personally like this better because I used to argue a lot with my mum. After I moved out, we argued less.
But if you have a good relationship with your parents, I don't see why you need to move out at all.
At least there's someone to look after you when you are ill or something.
 

Cynara

Banned deucer.
Yeah I all see where you guys are coming from and all these posts have been super insightful, for the record I don't have any issues of health that impacts my social ability, I'm sure I would make friends easily, maybe I was too over-concerning myself in the initial thought of it, like I've stated this highly long term. but all these posts have put me at much more ease, I think I will invest into a better job and etc before moving out in a rash situation and that sounds like a solid plan to me, so thank you for that insight.
 
You seem in a good place, but just adding my support and thoughts

I think if being afraid of moving out hasn't occurred to you you shouldn't move out, as someone who has moved out twice and is living with my mom again (I'm a weird case though in that I'm quite sick), but you shouldn't move out if you're afraid rather than nervous; I hope that makes sense

Living with your parents is a fantastic financial move if you're lucky enough to have parents you can live safely and happily with (by this I mean they're not abusive or causing you a lot of damage etc.) and it doesn't have to inhibit your preparation to move out at all; in fact, you should aim to save up and build up your repertoire of life skills, and if possible get a job (I say if possible because they're not easy to come by), which is also a decent way to expand your social network. Aldaron is mostly right in that regard (like I say some people just need to be shot of their parents, but not having a support network is a really really awful situation to be in and most people who move out early for that reason are stuck between a rock and a hard place, nobody ever said it was easy because it's fucking hard). Also honestly it's just nice to not be alone and have the support of your family if you have no domestic issues.

I'm 22, turning 23 this November, and I live in Australia (student loans aren't as crippling and getting a job is the only situation you pay them off). I'm still studying tho and that's a marker for a lot of people who study, once they're done studying they feel like they can't justify lingering anymore (or the age most people are done studying, people who don't study feel obliged to 'move on' with them, which makes even less sense). First of all, when you move out you'll still be connected to your parents unless they're awful and they'll be part of your network, so you won't be entirely independent anyway and you should accept help from them while they're willing to give it. Second of all, if you're contributing around the house (I mean in this sense literally like cleaning up after yourself) you won't be a huge burden anyway, unless your parents are mega desperate to have all the kids leave so they can have their old people second honeymoon and that's clearly not the case. Thirdly, if you're making the decision that best prepares yourself for the future, a good parent will support it as best they can. Fourth, I think from reading your post your mother will always want to help you and take care of you, so you might as well take advantage of that mutual usefulness!

Fifth, nobody is entirely independent anyway unless they live totally divorced from society, there's no shame in making use of help since everyone needs it, and it's infinitely better to be in a good place than unnecessarily putting yourself in a situation where you do have to rely on other people or aren't leaving yourself safe for the pride of rejecting help in the first place. I don't mean that in a 'don't be a leech' way, I mean that in a way where it's genuinely awful to live paycheck to paycheck or worse and constantly need help from everyone around you (people who may not be able to help you anyway or may be less likely to give it) or be in the danger of it as opposed to just accepting help from your mom. It's not fun to be vulnerable, so don't do it for fun.

I think your social issues have less to do with moving out and more with you staying at home, if that makes sense. About the only problem you have is bringing home potential sex partners that I see tbh (sorry for bluntness), and I see that as more of an obstacle to a committed relationship than anything which would change your living situation maybe idk.. don't ask me. In a situation like yours you should be able to have friends over or go visit your friends as well as go hang out, and things like trying to get a job (if you can, it's not ez), making use of social and dating apps, getting social hobbies that keep you outdoors or in a club etc. are what make you friends, not the act of moving out. You can live alone and have no friends as well. If you're a confident person, and you sound like you're not too afraid of people, then that's a good avenue for self-improvement to focus on before you move out.

It's not so much moving out that will unite you with your peers so much as having the same concerns, mindset, interests, and life goals as them, and it's increasingly common in Western countries for people to live with their parents until much older ages now, so that '18 and move out' idea is getting worn thin (and I'd like to add that that construct is very Western in the first place, people in some non-Western societies are traditionally much closer to their families as adults and have gotten along perfectly fine)
 
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I turned 22 in April and have lived with my parents while I got my undergraduate degree at a local college and worked 30-35 hours a week to save up money. Because of my grades in high school, I had the choice to either go to my local college while living at home to get a degree for practically nothing, or go to a far better school on the other side of the state and have to take out some larger loans. Despite having some complex home issues, I chose the debt-less route and now have my degree in spring and near $30,000 saved up right now.

Despite this, finding a job in my field has turned out to be far more difficult that I thought and I'm still going to be fighting to make it out on my own. Living with my parents has taken its toll on me and has been nothing short of nightmare-ish at times. And since my degree is done, I feel like I should be able to finally be able to do something with my life.

My girlfriend of three years is 23 and still lives with her parents, but has the opposite problem in that she has crazy supportive parents and a happy family life but didn't finish college and just within the last week got a job paying a double digit hourly wage.

We've been discussing moving in together for some time, but with me trying to find a full time teaching job all over the state and not getting anywhere, we haven't really gotten far in planning it out until the last few weeks. With schools starting in less than a month in my area, I'm having to do a plan b where I'm probably going to have to substitute teach during the day when I can and work a second job during the night. But even when doing this, I'll have a pretty hard time being able to support myself without using my savings... and I don't want to do that. It makes me nervous that I'll be moving out into the unknown and knowing I'll have to fight like hell to try to make it every month despite having done things as responsibly as possible. The duality of wanting to leave and feeling like I should leave mixed with my instability and the unknown of how in the hell I'm going to pay rent and support myself and another person is hard because they are both right and wrong answers...

---

Besides my ranting about my personal life, I feel like I should say something to people living at home with their parents in this day and age.

Living with your parents as an adult is nothing to be ashamed about as long as you're living with them as a means to an end. If you have a plan in place and reasons to live at home, and you are doing whatever you can to execute this, there is no reason to be embarrassed. You are doing yourself a favor by taking advantage of opportunities presented to you and by trying to do things the right way. Those that can't see that are either more privileged than you and don't understand, haven't comprehended what it takes to make it in the real world, or are remarkable human beings who were able to escape the trap that 99% of young adults fall into early in their lives. If your parents are willing to offer you the protection and help, you shouldn't be embarrassed in taking it. If you cannot make it on your own, or if it will be exceedingly difficult to make it on your own for whatever reason, and your family is offering support, you shouldn't be embarrassed at taking the help you need.

It is only when you choose to abuse the generosity of your parents when you should be embarrassed. If you are doing things with your life, pursuing a dream, and trying to do the right thing... waiting until you are comfortable with moving out is a personal choice that you shouldn't feel judged in making.
 

Mysterious M

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I saw this kinda late but since i had a same + a bit worse condition (and decision to face) i thought i would write and perhaps help you.

I failed my exams to get into college and study engineering in my country, so i had to choose besides staying home and picking something different to study or do, and between going out in a foreign country, alone. By that time i was 18, and we had a discussion about it with my parents. They told me to think about it and that it would be hard etc but it would only benefit me. You know, i had all my friends + family in my country and i had to leave them behind so i can study what i wanted. I had a dillema. Who wants to move out of his house and go to another country which was not even the second language i speak, but the third (german). Well to cut the long story short, i went out there, from my sunny country to the freezing and cold and rainy austria. First off i was afraid and everything but then i learned to survive and "manned up". You family will always be there with the telephone or skype or w/e But eventually you have to let go your home.

Now, i am 21.I transferred and studying in a town away from mine but in my country, i live alone again but i see my family in vacations. I need two more years to finish my studies and i am independent af. Trust me take the decision and go out on yourself. Regarding the part of your social life, i don't know if you are alone because you did not want to have friends. You cant avoid meeting people, neither can you be all day on PS. Just find people in your college/work or w/e and go for a drink everything will come normally. Regarding your words " I'd be 25 and that would make me a loser to other people I guess" this is just a stereotype, and the decision is up to you. If you want my opinion, i think you are not motivated enough to leave your home. I dont know what will motivate you, but when the time comes you will take the decision and leave. So just search for it. Mine was the goal of becoming an engineer, your can be whatever. So find your motive, face the dillema (like the one i faced) and then you will be ready!

We meet a lot on PS, i expect your pm to discuss this matter further, i hope i helped you a bit. (sorry if my english was not so good)
 
I moved out and went to university at the ripe old age of 18, all self funded (thanks to the Scottish government's loan scheme and working three jobs lmao). I really think, as far as maturing, there is nothing like having your own place and paying your own bills. The past couple of years I've lived by myself I've matured more than the 18 I spent before. Living at home is living your parents' lives. Living by yourself is living your life.
 
When I was 19 I moved out to college then came back at almost 21 moved out again at 22 and now I am back again for a third time at 24 and this will hopefully be the last time I come back.

My family life is very shitty to the point where I have seen my dad once in over 6 years, my sister doesnt talk to me and my mom is about to take me to court over eviction matters and wants to put me in a group home.

I still stay positive because I know there are always people who have it worse and I know things in the future will be very positive for me.

I am working on getting a job and possibly sometime next year move in with my girlfriend.
 

Pastelle

we're all star stuff
I'm 18yo, and I'm halfway through my freshman year of college. I'm living at home and commuting to school everyday, but there's a part of me that is craving independence and wanting to move out. Don't get me wrong, living at home is great and all because free rent, food, laundry, etc., but sometimes my parents get very hostile towards me. I'll admit, I'm not a perfect child. I have a super messy room and horrible time management skills, but tbh what young college kid doesn't. I also, like most college students, occasionally skip class if I know nothing fundamental is being covered, or if I'm super behind on schoolwork or sleep (this doesn't happen very often, I've done this maybe three times this semester).

But last night it kind of reached a breaking point; my parents stormed up to my room and screamed at me for not working on homework/being lazy/being untidy/being ungrateful/skipping and failing all my classes/etc. (most of these accusations aren't true). They do this shit all time; one second they're incredibly loving and supportive and the next they're blowing up at me with no warning whatsoever. The idea that this can happen at the flick of a switch gives me so much anxiety, and I really don't wanna live in an environment like that.

I originally wanted to go to a different school about an hour from home and live in the dorms (I even applied and got accepted), but my parents wouldn't let me because they didn't think I could handle it, and they were hesitant because both of my older brothers went to school for about a year then dropped out, costing my parents thousands of dollars. They're constantly assuming I'm going to fail like them, which is both unfair and disheartening to say the least. I've tried talking to them about the idea of transferring if I prove that I can handle college, but the conversation hasn't really gotten anywhere. The other thing is I don't feel like I need to prove myself if I want to progress to the next step of my life. I know it'll be challenging at first, but I know I'll get used to it and end up loving it.

One of my best friends is going to a two year transfer school rn (I'm attending a four year university), and he wants to transfer to the same school I wanna go to. The plan as of now is to save up money over the year/summer, wait till he's done, than transfer and rent a house/apartment with him and a couple other people, wether my parents support me or not. I'm not going to let their wishes/biases get in the way of the direction I wanna take with my life; because its MY life and not theirs.
 

Disjunction

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I moved out as soon as I could when I was 19. I had a very strained relationship with my parents and a very fortunate opportunity to move into a friend's new house essentially for free by agreeing to do work on it with him and his dad. Growing up, my parents were very suffocating in their attempts to manage aspects of my life for me, so I never got to really be independent. When I moved out, it wasn't because I felt anything like "Oh, I'm an adult now, so I shouldn't be depending on my parents anymore," it was because I needed to be in control of my life to get back on my feet after a really rough go at grades 6-12.

Since moving out, I've been able to make amends with my parents, find success in school, and improve my mental health. I even took it a step further and moved out of my friend's house and into my own apartment just this past month. Being in charge of my own bills, groceries, chores, etc has been arguably the most positive impact on my life to date.
 
if u have free room and board in an environment u feel uncomfortable in, i see no reason not to exploit it.

i think that, often, there are a lot of oppressive societal norms that define 'maturity'. we tend to measure maturity in terms of financial status, relational status, etc. owning ur own house isn't a marker of 'maturity', it is a marker of wealth. u shouldn't allow this to influence your decision. in a similar vein (although tangentially related), lifestyles of partying and non-monogamy aren't 'immature' either.

u should instead know ur needs, understand the benefits / downsides of each context, and opt for the path tht is most beneficial to u.
 
Within the course of a year I went from living with both of my parents to living with neither of them. They split and went their own ways, both moving in with their new partner and is happy. After they moved out I was left with my older brother in the house that we grew up in. I was in my senior year of high school and he was working 2 or 3 jobs. I gained all the responsibility of tracking dates and keeping the house stocked with food and supplies for the last few weeks of my father's support until I graduated. Once I did graduate from high school, I got a job for the summer to last until I went to college, didn't pan out, he claimed that I had a job and a diploma I didn't need any more support from him and it was my brother and I fending for ourselves. Once we discovered that college wasn't an option he loaned me his car until the next fall and offered to let me move in with him, over an hour away from my family and friends, but that was that. He offered everything he was going to. My mother was never in a position to offer anything, since she never had the money/space to add to her household. I went from a high school student to pretty much a parent, organizing events/tracking bills/paying my bills/running a house. I would much rather go back to living with one of them so I could focus on saving money and trying to enjoy life. But hey, free car for awhile.
 
Moving out is something I want to accomplish by at most 28 years of age (26 atm). I'm trying to get part time work from my old job, so I can save that extra money for either an apartment in LA (where I work) or a house in potentially San Diego. I'll finish paying off my student loans in 6 months, so that'll be extra revenue. Combining that, my home rent and what I can make doing the part time work (if I get it), I have the bulk of the month's rent for a 900 sqft apartment in fancy LA. Or...I can stay home and save up for 20% of a home down payment in San Diego by early 2020 (without even needing the part time work to hit that). My financial ceiling is going to shoot up high in the next 2 years, and I cannot wait to seize the moment and move out.
 
I moved out as soon as I could when I was 19. I had a very strained relationship with my parents and a very fortunate opportunity to move into a friend's new house essentially for free by agreeing to do work on it with him and his dad. Growing up, my parents were very suffocating in their attempts to manage aspects of my life for me, so I never got to really be independent. When I moved out, it wasn't because I felt anything like "Oh, I'm an adult now, so I shouldn't be depending on my parents anymore," it was because I needed to be in control of my life to get back on my feet after a really rough go at grades 6-12.

Since moving out, I've been able to make amends with my parents, find success in school, and improve my mental health. I even took it a step further and moved out of my friend's house and into my own apartment just this past month. Being in charge of my own bills, groceries, chores, etc has been arguably the most positive impact on my life to date.
This is somewhat similar to my own experience.

The prevailing sentiment in this thread seems to be "moving out is overrated," but for me, moving out has been a big important step in my personal development. I also had the experience of moving back in with my parents (about a year after I first moved out, my main income stream disappeared and I moved back in with them for several months to build up a bit of a cash buffer before moving out again), so I've seen it from both sides. That said, my situation is a bit unique in a number of ways.

One of the biggest things that has come with leaving my parents home and living on my own is getting out of the suburbs in a pretty boring town that doesn't have much going on, and the ability to move to a bigger city and live in a neighborhood. Since I work remotely (and thus can work from anywhere), I was able to cross state lines, and spent a year living in Boulder, CO and Pittsburgh, PA, quite a far cry from the California Central Valley where I grew up. Thus, a lot of the changes noted below might be largely due to that change of scenery; if I had moved to a different house in the suburbs of the same city where I grew up, the change might not have been as pronounced. However, I do think it needs to be said that one of the "pros" of living alone is that you get to choose the city and neighborhood where you reside. (Significantly, I have always chosen to live in cities/neighborhoods where it was not necessary to own a car, which significantly reduced my living expenses.)

Another thing that colors my experience is the fact that I come from an Asian-American family, and even when they're supportive, Asian families can tend to have boundary issues. My parents were conscious of this (and my mother always tried to intentionally resist it because she had some negative experiences with her own mother), but even so, the nature of our relationship was that they wanted to be involved in my life as long as I was living with them. For example, if I ever brought someone home, they'd want to meet that person (and in fact would probably want to invite them to dinner); this automatically meant that any date that involved "let's head back to my place" would immediately escalate to "Hey, you get to meet my parents." I'd hesitate to describe my parents as oppressive or overbearing, and in fact they were very supportive; the nature of a total lack of boundaries is that they can sometimes tend to be TOO supportive: they were fine with me borrowing one of their cars in the evening, but they would always ask where I was going, and if the answer happened to be "I'm going on a date," then my mother would try to give me a bag of cookies to take with me. (I suppose my mother figured that giving someone baked goods was a good way to try and win their affections.) And then upon returning from the date, I'd get some eager questioning about how it went, and then for the next few weeks could expect questions about whether I was still seeing that girl and how things were going. (I made a point of never sharing the full names of people with my parents, lest my mother take the initiative to start stalking them on Facebook, though this is a sort of "over-involvement" that has happened even when I've not been living with my parents, starting with college.) Again, lack of boundaries, from parents that tried a bit too hard to be "supportive" of their son's endeavors.

Another caveat which applies mainly to me, and probably not others: the nature of my work (which is mostly short-term remote contracts) is that my income is mostly dependent on my productivity (if I'm willing to work more, I can take on more jobs), and one of the struggles of being a more-or-less full time freelancer who works from home means having to motivate myself to be productive. The nature of remote work means that the place where I live is also the place where I work, so where I live tends to affect my productivity a lot.

With those qualifiers out of the way:

I have a much easier time being productive when I'm not living with my parents. Living on my own for the first time really put me in the mindset of "the only life I'm going to have is what I'm able to build for myself," which led to me being a lot more disciplined and diligent with respect to my work. Also, being able to just dedicate myself to a task and pull off 12+ hour workdays (when I was really into the work I was doing, or was trying to put in extra time to buy myself a day off) without any fear of interruption or concern from my parents really allowed me to start accepting more jobs. And on the flip side, not having to answer to anybody but myself meant I felt more at liberty to do zero-hour workdays without fear of judgment from my parents, even if it only came in the form of a raised eyebrow and a "So what have you been doing all day?" when they came home to find me sitting on the couch playing video games. (My work schedule is super flexible, so sometimes it's nice to have a shorter work week and just working more hours.) Despite having total freedom, I've actually built a lot more structure into my life, and have done a much better job of maintaining good habits (like going to the gym on a regular scheduled basis, instead of just working out or not depending on how I feel that day).

That mentality of "all I have is what I make for myself" has also translated over to my social life as well: the sea change of being the head of my own household puts me in the mindset that it's really up to me to form and cultivate relationships, and I've found myself a lot more motivated to go to social engagements and spend time with friends if for no other reason than to avoid the inherent loneliness that comes with living alone. I realize it can sound a bit dour to say "I actively spend more time with friends to avoid loneliness," but the truth is that it's led to me cultivating a lot of relationships that are richer and more significant than I ever took the effort to form when I was living under my parents' roof. Also, this is partly based on the city that I moved out of; I grew up in a city that, while not exactly rural, was pretty agrarian, and moving to a major city has put me into much closer contact with the sort of people who value education and are more cosmopolitan, for lack of a better word. I don't mean for this to come across as elitist, but as a non-white person I definitely find myself more "at home" in that kind of environment and it is kind of nice to live in a neighborhood with a few young people are ethnically similar to me (an experience I never had growing up).

Having had (on several occasions) the experience of moving back in with my parents, I've found that my productivity tends to drop precipitously when I'm living with them. I spend more time watching TV and playing video games, not in a fun way, but in a "meh, I don't really have anything to do for the next 4 hours, so I guess it's time to binge some mediocre anime until I get sleepy enough to fall asleep" sort of way. Or a "huh, I guess I did just spend 3 hours on reddit doing nothing in particular." When I'm on my own, I'm just much more in the mentality of being my own taskmaster, partly because it's impossible to NOT be in that mental mode when you know that every meal in your fridge and every rent check that you write has to be the product of your own capability. To be clear, living on my own, I still have plenty of leisure time, but I tend to spend that leisure time doing things that I actually want to do (meeting up with friends, or doing activities I really care about or going to movies I really want to see), rather than falling into the mode of, "Well, I'm going to be on this couch for the next several hours, so let's see what entertainment is within reach."

Side note: I've also started eating healthier. My parents aren't exactly unhealthy eaters, but when you prepare all of your own meals it's much easier to decide "I'm going to eliminate potatoes and bread from my diet" or "I'm actually going to measure out and eat exactly 2200 calories every day." Though, I will admit that I find myself eating a lot of Soylent (especially for breakfast), which is always my fallback for a healthy option on days when I don't feel like preparing a full meal.

It should be noted that I'm not super financially comfortable (such is the nature of short-term contract work, especially when you're still chipping away at student loan debt), but I consider living under my own roof an incredibly important part of my life. My relationships, my career, and basically every part of my life would not be where they are right now if I had continued to live with my parents. My relationship with my parents has also improved a lot since moving out: I still call them almost every week, and I usually spend 2 hours on the phone every Saturday getting them caught up on my life and letting them catch me up on things back home, and we get into long-winded conversations about what's wrong with the world and how to fix them. It feels like I'm actually friends with my parents, in a way that wasn't really possible when I was living under their roof.

If your parents are okay with you living at home, but you think that moving out could be an important step in your personal development, my personal recommendation would be to at least give independent living a "trial run:" instead of putting your name on a 12-month lease, just find a local AirBNB and book a stay for 60 or 90 days and see how it goes. If it turns out to be a life-changing experience for you and totally worth it, then you can figure out a way to make it happy (either by extending your AirBNB stay, or by finding something longer term), and if it's not the grand adventure you hoped it would be, you can always move back in with mom and dad. I think it's good to at least have that experience. Also, AirBNB is a great way to "sample" different cities and neighborhoods if you're not sure exactly where you want to live. That being said, I'd approach this with less urgency if you already have an exit plan, e.g. "Living with my parents for the next 18 months will let me build up enough cash to make a down payment so I can buy instead of rent."
 
Think I'll make a more detailed post about my plan. I currently earn about $51,000 a year at my new job. I have about $20,000 saved up atm. I live at home, and my costs are home rent (relatively small), my car payment, my monthly train pass for work (compensated 75% of it), and my student loans (paying off in June). I emailed my former boss inquiring about part time communications engineering. He said I can do part time piece rate work, which can net me an additional $1000/month at minimum (about 18 hr/week). My goal is to save 20% of a home down payment in the San Diego area (about 20% of 540,000). Assuming that I don't get a raise at my current job (since I like to lowball when projecting my future income), and only doing minimum part time work, I project earning the remaining 80k within 2.5 years of this June (so before I am 30).
There are several major factors that can accelerate this process. Firstly, earning a raise can be helpful in raising my earnings.
Another potential factor is if I follow my uncle's advice and apply for a job at DWP where he works(he said he can help influence getting a position there). He says it provides good money, so it's worth a shot.
At my previous job, I was next in line for a QC position before leaving. If I can somehow remote in and do part time QC work, there would be pretty good money in that.
Lastly, getting my PE license within the next year or so would go a long way in improving my employability and salary (starts around 96k per year).
I'm optimistic that I can make this all work in a relatively short span of time. Living at home should make this feasible.
 
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Zodiax

not this
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So funny how I was literally just talking about this to someone on PS and it shows up in Cong

Yeah moving out for me isn't the case. Of course there are pros and cons but for where I live there are too many cons for the pros to look appealing. Where I live currently has the third most expensive rented student accommodations in the UK. First and Second being Oxford and Cambridge. I have a house where we have been doing it up for the past 5/6 years where thankfully there is no mortgage that I will not need to worry about and I would take that over a 1 room small flat for half my months pay.
 
Update to my home hunting mission:
I got pre-approved for $550,000 home loan; the loan officer is checking if we can get more in addition to that.
My new plan is to buy a single family home/duplex in May at earliest. If I live in it 3 years, rent a room/detached home out for around $2000-$3000 a month, and sell the house (assuming a growth of 3%/year on home value), I think I can earn enough for a 20% down payment for a million dollar home (and closing costs, too).
The potential flaw in this plan is if home prices plateau and fall. Many speculate we're on the cusp of another housing bubble burst (since homes are at the same prices as the 2006-2007 prices). However, economists suggest that's not the case, since lenders are much more careful about who they lend out to.
 
I moved out of my parents house when I was 23. My parents and I get on well, but I was eager to spread my wings. It was scary at first - all the paperwork! - but I got used to it in time. It has taught me a lot, about managing my money, cooking, cleaning, and not putting things off. Overall I prefer living alone - I like having my own space, and only getting ordered around at work.

My advice would be to move out when you can afford it and when you personally are ready. As others have said it saves you a shit load of money living with your parents. Fuck what society says - it's your life, it's your decision.
 

Tera Melos

Banned deucer.
I moved out when I was 17, mainly to live with a friend and finish High School in peace. Sure we did drugs and drank and all that, but the point of it was I moved out to get away from what I thought was a family that was holding me back. I lived with a great friend for for just a few months, Age of 17, into 18 and finishing up my High Schooling. After High School I moved back home for a while, started working a great job and life was pretty great.

At 20, I moved out again. This time with a band mate. We had a pretty great apartment on his college's campus. We lived together for about two years until he joined the Navy and I moved in with another friend in a really dank apartment in a bungalow that was like three floors up. Anyways, a few months until that I moved back in with my mom for a bit before moving out again...

For the past two years I've lived with my girlfriend in a really sweet Third Floor Apartment with a lovely balcony.

My point is, it takes a lot of travelling and experimenting until you find a place that feels like home, more specifically a home away from home. I miss my mom's house every day, my cat and dog are there...all my old friends, my bike.

Anyways, moving out is more than just "moving out". Try to take time to find yourself during this time, learn about the world around you and put yourself out there.

Anyways, that's all the advice I can give as someone who's moved in/out of various places in the last five years.
 

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