Serious LGBTQ

[NightinGem]

Boy oh boy, I can’t wait until the day where my making a joke about being trans in any public space doesn’t escalate into me having to cite 60 different resources to defend/prove the fact that yes, being trans is a thing and I am indeed warranted respect. I just want to joke about how Ayn Rand can suck my future dick or saw a choice chance for a pun. Sometimes I just forget that the fact that I was born with a mismatched brain and body means I have to defend my existence and dignity at every turn. Sigh.

Among the worst have been "TERFs," trans-exclusionary radical feminists. You’d expect the typical Christian fundamentalist rejection, alt-right hate, but wait, a feminist group who hates a vulnerable minority? Yup, they’re real and their pseudointellectual power trips terrify the hell out of me. Honestly I’ve had a lot of friends who weren’t super knowledgeable regarding terminology and stuff but were like "you go dude, do what makes you happy" and then we’d make good (lack of and/or future) dick jokes and they’d get to understand my situation, but then you have these creepy ladies who somehow think anyone who’s been touched by male levels of testosterone in their lives is some kind of monster. :/ My aunt, one of my only decent biological relatives, is friends with one and shares a lot of her ideals, and I no longer contact her because I know she’d just tell me I’m a confused tomboy who needs to try "accepting myself." God, I’ve tried. You think I’ve decided to be a trans person and face hella medical expenses and societal discrimination for the kicks? I’m transitioning because it’s literally the best thing for me and I have been so much happier since I started. I tried to be a girl. It just isn’t what I’m wired for.

I wish being trans didn’t have to come with all this bullshit baggage. I know it’s kind of a difficult thing to understand, as opposed to being gay/bisexual, but so many people just immediately think they’re medical experts when it comes to us, that they somehow "know" what’s best for us. I just want to be a normal guy who sometimes makes choice jokes at his current lack of dick.

 

[Milkshook]

so i've been stressing about this a lot for just over two weeks now and im still worrying about it and really confused. i mean i guess i've always had some mild conflicts about gender identity since i was like 13 or so but it hasnt really been bothering me too much for the past two or three years. for whatever reason this issue just randomly came up two weeks ago and i haven't been able to forget about it since.

i dont really have many answers and im pretty confused about this, but i think that coming out as transgender (even though im not even entirely sure if thats true) on smogon and ps could help calm me down a lot and give me a little more clarity, and i think it could be nice to 'test the waters' a little

maybe this is really impulsive but i just felt like i really had to do something

tl;dr: trans female

 

[Zentrius]

how do y'all deal with straight crushes? ive been crushing real hard on one of my co-workers and its been the first time in my life that ive felt a romantic attraction to anybody ever and it feels super weird and awkward. it doesnt help that hes about to get married as well lol. i really dont want to cut him off completely because i truly do love him as a friend and it'll suck real bad if i do.

 

[Whydon]

just admire from a distance and eventually just get over it

 

[dice]

straight people are so boring

 

[Rugi]

Yeah fuck straight people

 

[dice]

no i’m very serious. straight people antics are so boring

 

[BlueRay]

how do y'all deal with straight crushes? ive been crushing real hard on one of my co-workers and its been the first time in my life that ive felt a romantic attraction to anybody ever and it feels super weird and awkward. it doesnt help that hes about to get married as well lol. i really dont want to cut him off completely because i truly do love him as a friend and it'll suck real bad if i do.

Hm, I'm not sure, but maybe, it might help a bit if you try to stop thinking about a potential future or how wonderful it would be if he or you were to do the kind of stuff you would like.. Because the less you think a bout it, the easier it should be to let go.^^ That is if you're daydreaming.
Do you think talking to him about your feelings might help? Speaking from experience, you might feel much, much better and free, and whatever comes you are prepared.

 

[mefromsomewhere]

so i've been stressing about this a lot for just over two weeks now and im still worrying about it and really confused. i mean i guess i've always had some mild conflicts about gender identity since i was like 13 or so but it hasnt really been bothering me too much for the past two or three years. for whatever reason this issue just randomly came up two weeks ago and i haven't been able to forget about it since.

i dont really have many answers and im pretty confused about this, but i think that coming out as transgender (even though im not even entirely sure if thats true) on smogon and ps could help calm me down a lot and give me a little more clarity, and i think it could be nice to 'test the waters' a little

maybe this is really impulsive but i just felt like i really had to do something

tl;dr: trans female

coming out on smogon/ps is probably a good start, especially on this thread. i know i haven't posted at all on this forum yet, but i've read through it and it makes me really happy to see how awesome and supportive the community here is. i can almost guarantee that coming out to a supportive community will help you feel better about whatever gender issues you're going through (i felt like a million times better after coming out as bisexual to my friends, and even though sexuality and gender are obviously different things, the coming-out process is largely the same), and it's okay if you haven't figured everything out yet.

remember, you can always go back and change your identity if you realize that "transgender" might not be the right term for you - for instance, you might realize that you're nonbinary or something. anyway, best of luck figuring things out! (it'll probably take more than just a couple of weeks)


EDIT: also, i'm curious about opinions regarding lgbt+ athletes, like the ones who competed in pyeongchang this past olympics (adam rippon, gus kenworthy, brittany bowe, ireen wust, etc.). as an athlete myself, it was a really encouraging experience to see these athletes breaking the stereotype that people (especially males) in the lgbt+ community are somehow weaker than their straight counterparts, and showed that sexuality has absolutely nothing to do with athletic ability.

 

[Milkshook]

coming out on smogon/ps is probably a good start, especially on this thread. i know i haven't posted at all on this forum yet, but i've read through it and it makes me really happy to see how awesome and supportive the community here is. i can almost guarantee that coming out to a supportive community will help you feel better about whatever gender issues you're going through (i felt like a million times better after coming out as bisexual to my friends, and even though sexuality and gender are obviously different things, the coming-out process is largely the same), and it's okay if you haven't figured everything out yet.

remember, you can always go back and change your identity if you realize that "transgender" might not be the right term for you - for instance, you might realize that you're nonbinary or something. anyway, best of luck figuring things out! (it'll probably take more than just a couple of weeks)

yeah even though it hasn't even been 2 months since this post, being out on smogon/ps really has helped clear up a lot of the doubt i had. tbh the dysphoria/anxiety got a lot worse for a bit but i think i might finally be starting to calm down a little. since then i've been pondering this a lot every day, and a few more memories have resurfaced. i'm now pretty much certain that i am in fact trans and i'm just shocked i was able to realise this all so quickly. i'm still completely unsure whether it would be a good idea to actually come out or start transition or w/e but i know that's a long way away so i'm not worrying about it. i'm aware this sort of thing takes a long time to figure out so i'm really happy with what i've done so far.

anyway i'm just posting this to say that my heads a lot clearer now and i'm glad i came out on smogon. thanks for everyone's support :]

 

[mefromsomewhere]

Queer athletes... Good topic.
I'm a bisexual football player and wrestler. It never had occurred to me that there was a stereotype that queer people are weaker than straight people. If anything, the stereotypes that I'd picked up on were body-conscious gay guys and gym-rat lesbians. That said, I can say from personal testimony that it sucks to be anything but straight and cisgender if your sports teams are anything like mine. Although my general community is welcoming, the football and wrestling teams are overwhelmingly homophobic. While language like "edit: This word turned into a message asking for me to be banned. You know what word I'm talking about." isn't rampant, gay orientation/people are constantly the butts of jokes. Given the general acceptingness of my school combined with that I'm out to my parents, you'd think that coming out wouldn't be a problem, and if I wasn't a football player or wrestler, you'd be right. But, as I am, coming out is practically a non-option. The only openly gay person we had on either team was a lesbian (incidentally also the only female), and she even quit this year. It's a big problem for me and people like me. It's also hard to judge if the majority of the teams even are homophobic - it's entirely possible that a silent majority is present, but even if there was, for fear of condemnation by the vocal minority, they probably wouldn't stand up for me. It just sucks. If I do come out in high school, I think it'd be in my senior year - who in their right mind is going to pick on the 220 pound wrestler? Yeah, fucking nobody rof

(bisexual male swimmer here) funny thing is i'm actually currently doing a research paper in my english class about lgbt+ culture (it's actually about gatsby but i get to write about an article we read claiming that nick carraway is super gay) and how a man is instantly perceived as more "feminine" (e.g. more emotionally vulnerable, less athletic, etc.) if he comes out as queer (super interesting stuff). yes, the body-consciousness is a serious problem in specifically queer male culture to the point where gay men will literally take anabolic steroids for a better body, but that's actually mostly because he doesn't want to be perceived as feminine.

sorry about the situation on your team - i can't really come out to my swim team either (it's not because of teammates; more specifically because of homophobic parents...), but in situations like that it's important to remember that we're ultimately defined by more than just our sexualities. also, if you do ever decide to come out to anyone on your team, i would suggest finding one trusted friend and coming out to them first (make sure you really trust them so that they can keep it a secret) and then gradually letting other people know as you feel ready.

 

[dice]

it's the phenomenon of the glass closet upon which there is known queer representation within sports, but there is a systematic silencing and disregard of it. if you take a look at espn's photo coverage historically within women's golf or basketball, you will notice that there is a trend of attaching women in sports to a man or child. they're straight and pleasant with this depiction. our histographies continue to categorize queerness as predatory and vile, reinforcing heteropatriarchal norms. this admonishes athletes from ever coming out, and we culturally withhold suspicion sofar as to not break the constructed comfort. lpga in women's golf was notorious for the l facetiously meaning lesbian, pushing forth campaigns of the Sexy golfer in the 70s and 80s. queer folks still bear the brunt of invisibility for fears of cultural pushback and stigmatization surround the landscape of sports, concentrated in the media representations.

as a sidenote, something i've been considering lately as well re: queering death // dealing with loss // counterhegemonic mourning

 

[ryo yamada2001]

thank god for people on the internet i can express myself to because H O L Y S H I T, everyone around me irl is homophobic as fuck and I'd never be able to tell them i'm bisexual. not like they necessarily have to know it, i'm pretty secretive with this stuff, and i don't have the desire to tell them anything (yet), but it's just a little disappointing to look around me and see how toxic my family and friends are towards LGBTQ

also shoutouts to Croven not believing I am unironically bi lol

 

[Tohru and the Adachi]

I suck at life and I cant understand if I am a girl or a boy , I could be both ? Who really knows , even I can't understand my own gender identity that it makes me cry at times . Who am I . What am I . Am I a male . Am I a female . This is so confusing ;-;

 

[Exeggutor]

This is incredibly general advice, but don't stress over it too much. Go with the flow. Focusing on trying to narrow your identity down is just more unnecessary and probably unwarranted stress for you. Exploring your identity with things like a change in dress or stuff like that, if feasible for you right now, is a good way to start.

And again, to repeat - don't stress over it. Dwelling over what to call it is unnecessary and does you no favours. You can focus on that later - just figure out what you are and aren't comfortable with for the moment.

 

[Cynara]

Hello,

I don't really post in these kinds of threads, but I feel I need to do this for myself, I have finally built up the courage to do so, because I don't want to live in a lie anymore. I would like to give a special thanks to anto and Chloe. for being very supportive of me and making this possible, especially Anto for always being there and always having my back regardless, Love Anto.

I am a Transgender female named Sarah, for the past 5 years roughly I have suffered with my gender identity and dysphoria trying to figure out who I am, over the past recent months I finally discovered my true self and being a girl is what makes me happy and I finally learnt to accept the girl I am. In most of my dreams I am a Girl and when I look in the mirror, I see a girl, not Daniel, as everyone perceives me as, I just want to be female. For all friends out there and anyone else reading this post, I would like to be referred to by female pronouns from now on.

Coming out to my mother was extremely hard and after a long discussion she was accepting of who I wanted to be and she is happy for me, one of her colleagues at work is transgender, so her understanding my situation was probably a tad easier, but I wasn't sure how she would take it from her own child, I feel like telling my parents is the true initial step to openly accept who I am, and that's why I am writing this post. I am very glad I don't have to tell my father as I know he would not take it very greatly, luckily my parents are divorced and he hasn't been in my life for over 14 years, telling my other members of family is gonna be a huge challenge for me I am scared of how they will take they will take it, but I feel that's natural, I'm very concerned about coming out to the older generations of my family such as my grandparents as they hold older beliefs which are not really shared in today's society.

To be quite honest I was more fearful of telling one of my closest friends and it was another step I had to make, I was frightened that I'd lose my closest friendship, but now I feel I felt extremely silly thinking that... as they were extremely supportive and happy for me and that really lit up my day.

In the past I have had some very depressive episodes of being unclear of my gender identity,that was to be expected and I fought through all of it, but I am sure now things will definitely improve after accepting who I am, I'm sure I will still experience some upsetting moments, but I feel reassured that I have people to comfort me whenever needed.

Never be afraid of your true self, no matter what that may be.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

- Sarah

Gonna post an update since, it's been almost a year and I can't believe how much of a journey it's been since my initial post.

Recently I started HRT and I couldn't have done it without the support of everyone around me and I'm eternally grateful for that. There have been a lot of ups and downs since I started transitioning and I feel like my journey's only just started for the main part. There was times I felt like I could never do this and dysphoria was always getting the best of me and pulling me down but I never gave up on what I wanted the most, I suppose wanting to be a woman so much helped with that.

Starting hormones was a scary and nerve-racking thing initially, but now I feel a bit more excited and ambitious for what I want to do next! I never thought a year down the line i'd be buying clothes, a handbag and all other nice things i've always wanted in my life.

Further down the line I will consider a sex change op, but that's a story for a different day and there’s a lot for me still to do, and I'm really happy for how far I've came and glad all my friends have supported me throughout, and will finally become the princess I was meant to be.

 

[Marzbar]

I don't really have anything serious to contribute, I just wanted to share that I am gay as well. Happy to chat to anyone if they are having problems. I had a very rocky coming out to my family 8 years ago. They are fine now. My mother has gone from disowning me and kicking me out of home, to going to see Love, Simon voluntarily and loving it!

Very late to the party btw. I only just discovered this thread.

Can I also just say that I wish there were more gay pokemon players in Australia. A cute Pokemon player is basically my dream husband :D

 

[Exeggutor]

As some of you already know I'm transitioning FTM at the moment, been going on for more than a year now.

I've got an appointment for testosterone in 3 days. If all's well HRT will be on its way in about 2 weeks. It's been pretty sick and most people have been chill about it.

I still look and sound like an androgynous 12 year old, but that's been going on since I started using this site so it's not new.

 

[Lotus]

I do not have problems with my identity; I am posting here for different purpose.

I grew up in a country where people with issues regarding LGBTQ were considered more than just part of minorities but the ones who were treated with contempt. Also I am part of Christian family so it ended up influencing my views on LGBTQ as well.

Things started to change as couple people that I know actually started sharing their problems in this thread. Their story consisted not only about how they struggle with their identities but also about having serious issues like dysphoria. I frankly did not understand people who had this issues and refused to read this thread further until it turned out some people in the school turned out to be gay.

Just in order to understand their mind, I proceeded to read through this thread and during that time I read even more about how do people suffer from issues mentally, emotionally, and socially. I still do have hard time understanding the mind of people having LGBTQ issues but at least I came to a conclusion that everyone, whether they have LGBTQ issues or not, experience struggles with recognizing who they really are. LGBTQ now looks like just a different form of struggle to me in that regard; I'm not saying LGBTQ is not a big deal by any means, but to me it seems like just a different type of struggle people goes through to reach a conclusion to a question: "Who am I"?

This made me think that while some people regard those who experience LGBTQ as minorities and people with problems, we reserve no rights to be derogatory to them for any reason. Like I mentioned, insulting those who suffer from LGBTQ issues is another form of an attempt to identify ourselves, and considering how every human being inevitably goes through this in stage of puberty or similar, it is simply hypocritical to ever be judgmental.

Reading this thread changed me a lot after all. I am a very inflammatory user on the side, but I this thread taught me how to empathize other in general and think in other people's shoes. At the end of the day I started having a tendency to ask myself whether I showed respect to everyone regardless of their background. After all, we are human beings with different colors.

I simply wanted to drop an outsider's perspective on LGBTQ, and I apologize in advance if any of these are expressed in wrong way. But I still hope for everyone to learn who they really are, have more peers who approach / understand you rather than avoid you, and be happy. I am not suffering from LGBTQ in any way but I somehow can feel how people suffer when they cannot really figure out who they really are... because shame on me, I played a game called 'alting' until a week ago and decided to end it myself. Probably forum moderators can tell this.

Be proud of yourself if you ever wonder who you really are, because that means at least you matured far more than those who are disrespectful and judgmental towards people suffering from LGBTQ, by having a chance to make a serious self-reflection and giving yourselves a challenging question to answer. To an extent, you are loving yourself by trying to find out who you really are, rather than not even knowing what you are doing and being judgmental about other human beings.

Thank you.

 

[Marzbar]

I do not have problems with my identity; I am posting here for different purpose.

I grew up in a country where people with issues regarding LGBTQ were considered more than just part of minorities but the ones who were treated with contempt. Also I am part of Christian family so it ended up influencing my views on LGBTQ as well.

Things started to change as couple people that I know actually started sharing their problems in this thread. Their story consisted not only about how they struggle with their identities but also about having serious issues like dysphoria. I frankly did not understand people who had this issues and refused to read this thread further until it turned out some people in the school turned out to be gay.

Just in order to understand their mind, I proceeded to read through this thread and during that time I read even more about how do people suffer from issues mentally, emotionally, and socially. I still do have hard time understanding the mind of people having LGBTQ issues but at least I came to a conclusion that everyone, whether they have LGBTQ issues or not, experience struggles with recognizing who they really are. LGBTQ now looks like just a different form of struggle to me in that regard; I'm not saying LGBTQ is not a big deal by any means, but to me it seems like just a different type of struggle people goes through to reach a conclusion to a question: "Who am I"?

This made me think that while some people regard those who experience LGBTQ as minorities and people with problems, we reserve no rights to be derogatory to them for any reason. Like I mentioned, insulting those who suffer from LGBTQ issues is another form of an attempt to identify ourselves, and considering how every human being inevitably goes through this in stage of puberty or similar, it is simply hypocritical to ever be judgmental.

Reading this thread changed me a lot after all. I am a very inflammatory user on the side, but I this thread taught me how to empathize other in general and think in other people's shoes. At the end of the day I started having a tendency to ask myself whether I showed respect to everyone regardless of their background. After all, we are human beings with different colors.

I simply wanted to drop an outsider's perspective on LGBTQ, and I apologize in advance if any of these are expressed in wrong way. But I still hope for everyone to learn who they really are, have more peers who approach / understand you rather than avoid you, and be happy. I am not suffering from LGBTQ in any way but I somehow can feel how people suffer when they cannot really figure out who they really are... because shame on me, I played a game called 'alting' until a week ago and decided to end it myself. Probably forum moderators can tell this.

Be proud of yourself if you ever wonder who you really are, because that means at least you matured far more than those who are disrespectful and judgmental towards people suffering from LGBTQ, by having a chance to make a serious self-reflection and giving yourselves a challenging question to answer. To an extent, you are loving yourself by trying to find out who you really are, rather than not even knowing what you are doing and being judgmental about other human beings.

Thank you.

What the hell does "suffering from LGBTQ" mean? It's not an illness. That's like saying "suffering from brown hair". I would caution the use of certain terminology, regardless of the intent of your message. Just some innocent advice

 

[Max. Optimizer]

What the hell does "suffering from LGBTQ" mean? It's not an illness. That's like saying "suffering from brown hair". I would caution the use of certain terminology, regardless of the intent of your message. Just some innocent advice

DawnManeDuskWings actually said: "who suffer from LGBTQ issues", meaning that a lot of people from the LGBTQ community struggle with both societal issues like prejudice, discrimination and marginalization and personal identity-related turmoil on a daily basis. I would caution to read more carefully in the future. Just some innocent advice.

 

[R-B-Y]

The nicest people I know on smogon are gay. (Lookin' at you Marzbar)
I feel like this says something.

 

[atomicllamas]

DawnManeDuskWings actually said: "who suffer from LGBTQ issues", meaning that a lot of people from the LGBTQ community struggle with both societal issues like prejudice, discrimination and marginalization and personal identity-related turmoil on a daily basis. I would caution to read more carefully in the future. Just some innocent advice.

I am not suffering from LGBTQ in any way but I somehow can feel how people suffer when they cannot really figure out who they really are... because shame on me,

I assume it was a language barrier thing (at least that’s how the post made it seem), but he’s right to point out that certain terminology is offensive so DMDW will know that in the future and can choose his words accordingly.

I would caution to read more carefully in the future. Just some innocent advice.

 

[Max. Optimizer]

I assume it was a language barrier thing (at least that’s how the post made it seem), but he’s right to point out that certain terminology is offensive so DMDW will know that in the future and can choose his words accordingly.

In my defense, I originally assumed that Marzbar was referring to this quote from DMDW's post:

Like I mentioned, insulting those who suffer from LGBTQ issues is another form of an attempt to identify ourselves, and considering how every human being inevitably goes through this in stage of puberty or similar, it is simply hypocritical to ever be judgmental.

While the formulation may have been a bit "sloppy" the first time around (DMDW probably forgot to type the word "issues" there), but he definitely formulated it better the second time around. At least I can't find anything there between the lines that comes close to comparing "suffering from LGBTQ" to "suffering from a disease".

 

[Marzbar]

Guys he literally wrote "I do not suffer from LGBTQ in any way"

I'm sure I am just tired from a long flight and I just watched Wonder on the plane and cried the whole way through it, so I'm not my usual lovely self. But when I read the initial post it just came across as patronising, passive aggressive ignorance.

I hope (and I'm sure) that I'm wrong. But this is Smogon and this isn't really a place for heated debate on sexual preferences and gender identity. Pokemon is all inclusive ;)